Sunshinelittleone's Blog

All about my love for the Lord

Sigh…..

on April 12, 2011

I sigh.  I sigh a lot.  Probably too much!  I remember years ago learning that the average person sighs around seven times each day…a way to get oxygen into your lungs…I am overflowing with oxygen, or anxiety.  I find myself to be extremely anxious; especially between the hours of 6am and 8pm.  Funny, those are the hours my sweet gifts (Max and Caroline) are awake.  It’s not them, really.  It’s me.  It’s my heart.  I realized something about myself recently, I overwhelm myself, regularly.  Honestly it’s true.  Instead of just enjoying the nuiance of childhood and mothering, I make it a really big deal.  Not big deal-“streamers, balloons and  sky writing”, but big deal “man is this making me crazy.”  I seem to be overwhelmed by mothering my kids.  I love these little gifts.  I am blessed everyday that the Lord trusts me with them.  That He saw fit for me to be their chaparone through life.  Somedays I am a success and joyful, others I am a complete failure and miserable.  But!  I am not miserable with them, it’s me.  It really is.  I fall short.  They fall short, but they are just learning.  They are learning to be people.  I am inching up on 40, I should know!  I should not fall short.  But that is just it!  That’s the issue, it’s an age-old issue.  It’s one that started with a sweet girl named Eve.

See, Eve was fallen.  She led the charge.  The mother of all mankind.  She messed up; royally!  I am not excusing my poor behavior.  I am not necessarily placing the blame on her, well not completely!  She made the decision to be disobedient…to taste the fruit, to gain the knowledge.  She set the way for sin.  She set the way for our fallen, human nature.  Thank GOD we are forgiven.

Many days I think of all the things I could have done better, or nicer, or prettier, or more patient with my kids.  And then I think about forgiveness.  The Lord forgives me as soon as I ask.  Isn’t that beautiful?  What a gift.  When we sin, unlike Eve, he lets us stay where we are at…physically. But if we really repent, He moves our hearts away from our mistakes.  He gives us new life and a renewed spirit; the strength to face new challenges.

Well tonight I apologized to my kids.  To Max really, because he has away of seeing when I am feeling less that great about the way I mother.  He never makes me feel bad, well not intentionally.  As my girlfriend said to me recently, “How is it every time your kids are about to bury you, they turn around and redeem themselves?”  Good question!  How is that so?  I think it’s God.  I think he humbles us in front of our children.  I think He lets us get to a point where we are so vulnerable in our mothering and then BAM! He reveals His mercy and grace and His forgiveness through our precious little gifts.  Well, I say THANK YOU, Jesus!  Thank you that you are so kind and gentle and loving that you forgive us all day long.  That you forgive us for the same mistakes time after time after time.
So…Tomorrow I will wake up and walk into my kitchen not sighing, but smiling-because close behind me will be the two greatest gifts I could have ever received; Max and Caroline.

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4 responses to “Sigh…..

  1. Jenn says:

    WOW! What beautiful writing and beautiful reminders. As I sigh…. Thank you for sharing this with me and sharing your friendship. I apprecaite all that you are. You are a wonderful mother and your children have learned the greatest things from your teachings, the love and experiences that you give them and devotion that you have to your family and God.

    I look forward to reading more in previous posts. Thank you – Much love!

    • Jenn! Thank you so much for the kind words. You made my day! It is so wonderful that our lives have intersected! Your family is so precious to us! I am grateful everyday for you, Rob and the boys!
      Thanks again for your sweet heart! Xo

  2. Kristine says:

    Fave line, “I think He humbles us in front of our children.” Great writing Sam!

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