Sunshinelittleone's Blog

All about my love for the Lord

I can so totally do this homeschool thing…

on August 26, 2012

One Room School House

I am flooded with so much information.  I feel like I am on the brink of circuit overload.  But, I must yield to the One who numbers my steps.  “Would not his splendor terrify you?” Job 14:11  Oh! does it.  I am standing in humility at the feet of the Lord pleading for His mercy and grace and patience and goodness and and….Oh I am standing with the emptiest of hands ready to be filled with His presence.

He has called me to homeschool my children.  This, in and of itself, is a pure miracle.  I have, for years, been acutely aware of my inability to articulate a sentence-let alone a lesson.  I have patience that flits faster than a shooting star and I am quick to sharpness in my tongue and heart.  I am not a homeschool mom.  Until now.  Now I am standing at the most intimidating starting line I have ever stood at.  There are moments when my body is full to overflowing, not with joy of the Lord, but rather with the anxiety of a thousand races.  I stand paralyzed in the fear that I will fail.  Then I remember that He is with me always.  I am standing in the presence of God.  I am standing firm in His call.

I am standing in a moment in time that will change the face of my family and generations to come.

His splendor is almost more than I can fathom. I have seen His hand at work in my life.  I have borne witness to profound transformation.  His splendor is terrifying in a way that makes my heart yearn to be in His presence….living in His majesty.  He is tangible.  Palpable.  He exists.  And sometimes I forget…

I let myself become weighted down by the doubts and fears and vulnerabilities that I am so quick to rest in.  Rest in the lie that I am not smart enough or kind enough or good enough.

The notion that I am incapable.
And I am…without the Lord.

When I make my bed on layers of doubt and fear, I am turning from the One who equips me with strength greater than Samson.  He speaks softly to my Spirit offering truthful and convicting encouragement.  He tells me I can do this and I will succeed…because above all… I love my children.

I am learning to trust Him in situations where I feel powerless.  He fills me.  He blesses me because I rely fully on His provision.  Don’t misunderstand…the world considers blessing things that shine and draw attention…the Lord’s blessing is simply the whisper of His goodness over our lives.  It’s not always valued by the world…it can’t always be bought or sold.  It’s His amazing grace filling our Spirit and renewing our confidence.  Blessing is His mercy when we are so undeserving.

I am a week out from the first class I will ever teach.  The pupils are sweet and tender and look uncannily similar to me and my husband.  I am assured that regardless of whether or not we complete the first day’s lesson, we will end our day with abundant love…for one another and the Lord…for with Him all things are possible.

Dear Father,
I rest in your strength. I reach for your Hand to hold mine as I traverse this unchartered course.  I thank you for friends who love us and encourage us; for the resources you have poured into our lives abundantly; for your provision.  I thank you for allowing me to repent daily…hourly…moment by moment for my fear and anxiety.  I rest in Your peace.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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7 responses to “I can so totally do this homeschool thing…

  1. Al says:

    Sam,
    You are brave for even taking this on. You’ll do great. 🙂
    Love,
    Al & Kristine

  2. Paddy says:

    Samantha, I have no doubt you will do a wonderful job at homeschooling. You have so much love in your heart for God and your family, how could your children not prosper just being around all of that. No teacher could ever replace the love and caring of a parent. Your children just learning to place God in their lives always and first will be so far ahead of so many children because they will understand what is really important in life and what is not. Let God lead you and trust. Knowing you will be a wonderful teacher I wish you joy and patience. All the best to you and your family.
    Paddy

  3. You’re right that you can’t do it. God can through you though. 🙂 Humility is the first step and you seem to nail that one.

  4. Shannon Zaichenko says:

    “This is the way, now walk in it!”

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