He can do all things…

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3

It is said that ‘time heals all wounds’, but only God really heals us.  He fills our ever seeking hearts with His goodness and reminds us that we are not alone.  He is always with us. (Matthew 28:20)

Seven years ago today I received a phone call that took my breath away.  An officer from the Michigan State Police Department called to ask if I was the daughter of the “newly deceased Sandra Rowell”…my mother.  The words hung in the air like a balloon lofting above my head.  And at the same time they hit me like lead.  It was midnight, and I thought I had experienced a nightmare…but I hadn’t, I had experienced real life.

I had lost my father thirteen years prior.  His death was slow and painful.  Death ushered in by cancer.  I had time to absorb and accept…or at least acknowledge…his passing.  But, hers, it was a like someone punched me square in the heart.

Grief overtakes you and you are able to function in super-human ways.  Grief can be the greatest motivator to bury yourself in doing and taking care of and hiding.  It can lay dormant and slowly rise to creep back into your heart.  This is how I feel.

I feel like the grief has come back unwelcomed.  But, then I remember that I am in His arms and that grief has no hold on me.  Do I miss her?  Now, more than ever.  I have had time to heal from the hurts we caused each other.  I have had time to become a mother and understand that she did absolutely everything she could to love me right where  I was at…right where she was.  She had to watch helplessly as I mourned all those years for the man we both loved and she couldn’t do anything about it and I couldn’t do anything but run from her.

I know I will see her in Heaven.  We will rejoice at the feet of the Lord.  She loved Jesus.  Yes, as fallen and marred as she was, she loved Jesus.  In her wallet she carried, through darkness, the words from Phillipians 4:13…I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

He blessed her with a glorious homecoming…He brought her to His lap to live without trial and hurt.  He has made her the image of who she was in her youth…but even more beautiful, joyful, peaceful.

I miss her.  It is very really how my heart aches.  But, we serve an awesome God who gives us such undeserved gifts.  I see her likeness in my daughter, my son, my sweet little niece.  They embody so much of what made her so unique.  My daughter’s smile is exactly how I remember my mom’s…thank you Jesus.

Oh Father,
You know the plans you have for our lives.  You keep us on earth until we have fulfilled Your purpose.  I thank you a mother who was exactly who she was…I thank you that the memories of turmoil are replaced by delight.  I am blessed to have been her daughter.  I thank you Jesus for creating me so much like her…In Your mighty name, Amen.

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