Sunshinelittleone's Blog

All about my love for the Lord

Missing is real…

on December 29, 2012

I celebrated the 20th Christmas without my sweet father and my 8th without my precious mom. It’s amazing how it never seems to get easier.  I have had more holiday without my dad than with.

The last Christmas we spent together I was a month shy of 17.  Even at that tender age I knew deep in my heart that we would be celebrating our final Joyous Noel together.  The memory of that final Christmas is etched deep into my heart.  I am aware of every smell, sound and feeling.  I harbor in my soul unwavering gratitude to the Lord.  I feel it was He who allowed me to realize the finality of that Christmas of ’91.  

I received from my sweet Daddy a ring.  Not just any ring. The ring he gave me was his father’s.  It was the ring my grandfather wore until the day of his death in May of 1979.  His wedding ring.  The ring that symbolized a great and pure covenant between he and my grandmother.  A marriage that I have bore witness to only through story and photograph.  My aunt always says my grandfather was impeccably dressed and smelled fresh of Ivory soap. I know he was an artist.  One of the only pictures I have of my grandfather and me is  of us drawing flowers together.  A sweet remembrance. 

So, I miss my parents.  I miss that they don’t get to sit under our tree in the cozy of pjs and fresh coffee.  I miss that they don’t get to see the expression of awe and wonder on the faces of their grandchildren.  I miss the smell of pipe tobacco and Grey Flannel.  I miss it all.  

Yet in my missing I am abundantly grateful for that last Christmas when we were all together-joyfully and abundantly.

When you long and miss those gone before you hold tight to the present.  Each moment is fleeting and the realness of it’s departure settles deep into your conscience.  I never thought I could enjoy Christmas the way I did until this year.  

This year seemed to be filled with new and sweet memory making.  I am part of new family. My husband’s family. And yes, we have spend a multitude of Holidays together, this was the first I was able to really let my guard down, not long for what was, but, rather enjoy and revel in what is. I am grateful…abundantly.

A final thought…for those who, like me, are creature of habit and routine, I offer you God-joy.  Dig deep into Him this season and allow Him to change your heart.  Remember the days gone past, but appreciate and marvel at the days of now…they are precious and YOURS.

God bless…and Happy New Year.

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