Sunshinelittleone's Blog

All about my love for the Lord

Besieged…for a bit

on January 3, 2013

Apathy (Photo credit: Toban B.)

“Praise be to the Lord, for he showed His wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city.  In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.” Psalm 31:21-22

Besieged-overwhelmed, inundated, beleaguered, plagued, weighed-down…

When I write I seek God’s guidance and direction. I ask Him to lead me to the scripture I am to meditate on and then I ask for (myself) complete obedience in conveying what He has set in my heart.  Today He led me to Psalm 31.  When I opened my Bible I saw that I had underlined and made notes about this particular verse.  I couldn’t have told you that I had done that…and frankly I don’t know when I did that, but clearly the Lord has brought me to this scripture before-with great reason.

I had underlined the word BESIEGED and under it written ‘apathy’.  Apathy is a place I tend to go back to again and again.  Many go to depression, anxiety, anger, in my times of want I tend toward apathy. When I am resting in apathy my distance from the Lord is great.  I am sorely aware of my straying and wandering.  I see it most in the mirror.  In my eyes.  In my countenance.  I see it in the way my face loses the glow of the Lord.  And I wonder.  It takes me awhile (because I am stubborn and, well, ignorant) to realize why I look so different.  Then it hits me-apathy.  I am besieged, overwhelmed, inundated by my lack of desire and pressing into the Lord.

I am not alone. I have met countless friends who suffer similarly.  We walk these abundant paths of ‘God-time’.  We are in Him; immersed in Him; delighted in His presence…and then we stray…far.  But, it’s never so far that we cannot return in a moment…in a breath.

My desire is that I am firmly planted in the majesty of the Lord each moment of my life.  That I feel His breath on my check.  That my gaze would be completely transfixed on His goodness.  It should be, but I am human and fiercely independent and feel, often, that I can go it alone without His amazing grace and mercy.  The shame is on me, not Him.  He is abundant and ready for me all of the time.

So, as we all do, I reevaluate my life these first few days of the New Year.  Where am I lacking?  Where am I hollow and dry?  What can I do better?  How can I live a fuller life?  The answer to all my seeking questions lies in the Creator.  Without Him at the helm of my hapless life, I am in a chasm of discord.  It is through Him and in Him I must put my life.  I must die to self to live in Him.  I must give up my selfish ambition and trust that His path is the perfect path.  When I submit and surrender to His will I live a rich and abundant life.  Why do I then do I stray?  I am human and fallen and in need of a Savior.

O Lord.  You are Good.  You never turn from me, it is I who wanders.  I am prone to stray from Your mighty grip.  You are so Kind.  You call me back and hold me close to Your heart.  I am grateful.  Please forgive me and set my feet on Your path of righteousness that I may seek Your face each moment and live in You daily.  I pray this in the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.


2 responses to “Besieged…for a bit

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